who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
