Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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