You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
