Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
