she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
