I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
