You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
