I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
that is very illegal...i love you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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