bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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