i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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