Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
