my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
