i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
