Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
