Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
