I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
