thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
