I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
