Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're too hungover to prance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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