I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
