You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
