The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
