exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
