Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
