I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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