Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
