He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
