He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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