If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
