Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
