By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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