my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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