I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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