Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
