Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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