How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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