you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
