Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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