ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
