He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
