I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
