he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
