if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
