My nipple is on Facebook.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
