I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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