that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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