so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
