If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
