Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
