Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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