Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
