Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is Oprah even human
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
